Jokes For Engineers

Warning
Some of these jokes will be sexist, racist or just plain silly but they made me laugh.  If you are of a sensitive disposition go back now.

These jokes have been collected over a number of years without saving the credits, so thanks to:  Joke A Day   mailto:join@jokeaday.com  and Dilbert  www.dilbert.com  amongst others for making the internet a fun place.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at maths.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Presidential Aide - Mr. Reagan!. Mr Reagan Sir!!! The Russians have just landed on the Moon! And they've started to paint it red! What shall we do?

Ronnie - Come back when they've finished, son.

P.A. [later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have painted a quarter of the moon red!

Ronnie - Don't worry about it, son. Tell me when they've finished.

P.A. [still later] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted half the moon red! Aren't you going to do anything?

Ronnie - Nope, not yet.

P.A. [still later and even more anxious] - Mr. Reagan Sir. The Russians have now painted THREE-QUARTERS of the moon red! Can we bomb them, Sir? Please, Sir?

Ronnie - [ as before ]

P.A. - Mr Reagan. They've painted the WHOLE moon red!

Ronnie - OK. Now call NASA, and tell them to get a rocket up there, with plenty of white paint, and paint "Coca-Cola" across it.